Kristen 0:00
We have probably all been there. You know you should be posting on social media, but every time you sit down to create content, you’re hit with that familiar wave of anxiety. What if nobody engages with my post? What if people judge what I’m sharing? What if I fail and everyone sees it? If that sounds like you, or you struggle with anything else about posting on social media, then today’s episode is exactly what you need to hear. I am chatting with Kate Gilbert. She is a business coach who takes a refreshing and different approach to social media. Her clients affectionately call her a handholder slash butt kicker for her unique blend of compassionate support and a can do attitude.
Kristen 0:51
Kate’s Post It Pronto and 30-Day Sprint programs are known for turning your social media struggles into effective strategies that you might actually enjoy. She helps business owners free up time and build momentum toward their bigger goals. And as someone who is pretty anti-social media myself, I love that her approach is not about posting every day or chasing huge follower numbers or any other vanity metrics. So today we are diving into what Kate calls a little social media group therapy, processing some of the emotions and the resistance that we have around our feed, those mindset blocks that keep us from showing up, and we’re talking about what metrics actually matter for your business. I know you’re going to love this conversation, so let’s get right to it.
Kristen 1:46
Are you a digital product or course creator, selling on platforms like Teachers Pay Teachers, Etsy, or your own website? Ready to grow your business, but not into the kind of constant hustle that leads straight to burnout? Then you’re in the right place. Welcome to The Savvy Seller. I’m Kristen Doyle, and I’m here to give you no-fluff tools and strategies that move the needle for your business without burning you out in the process—things like SEO, no stress marketing, email list building, automations and so much more. Let’s get started, y’all.
Kristen 2:25
Hi Kate, thank you so much for being here.
Kate 2:28
Thanks for having me.
Kristen 2:29
So tell us just a little bit about what you do in terms of social media, because it’s all different from what a lot of social media people are doing.
Kate 2:41
Yeah, so I’m a business coach, and I use my background in design and branding and organization to help you make sure that you’re setting up a business that you love. And I’ve developed a program called 30-Day Social Sprint, where I approach social media a little differently, like you said, I’m not so much like hey, post every day. I never would give advice like that. I talk a lot about mindset, I talk about messaging, and I’ve developed a system that automates a social media plan for you.
Kristen 3:14
And I love that, because I am, as you know, kind of anti social media. I’m not a big fan. I don’t want to be posting every day, so I just really love that your approach is a little different. One thing that I have noticed in my work with some of my coaching clients, and even really just in my own business too, is a lot of us really have this love-hate kind of relationship with social media. They know they should be posting, or maybe I know I should be posting, but a lot of my clients, especially are really resistant to it. And I know that’s something that you’ve seen with a lot of people too. Sometimes we feel anxious about what we post, or we feel like we’re going to be judged. And I’ve heard you talk a lot about kind of how processing the emotions around social media are a key.
Kate 4:04
Yes, definitely.
Kristen 4:05
Well, and to being able to keep doing this long term. So can you kind of talk a little bit about that?
Kate 4:10
Right. So do you remember that feeling when you were like, 13, and it was the first day of school, and you walk into the cafeteria and you’re not sure if your friends have the same lunch period as you are not, and you’re like looking around trying to see who you can sit with and wondering if you’re dressed cool enough? I think a lot of us have those feelings all the time on social media, but in fact, like, we can think, what would we say to 13-year-old us, you know, or what have you said to your kids? And I’m guessing you would probably tell yourself, hey, you know what, nobody is actually worried that much about you because they’re thinking about themselves. And in reality, I actually think that so many people out there are rooting for you.
Kate 4:57
I’ve been online for a long time. I ran a magazine for 10 years that had a pretty big social media presence. Have I ever been trolled? I’ve been called out, not very nice things in forums, but not really so much on social media. So I have felt what that feels like. But I hear people talking about, oh, the trolls, the trolls. The reality is, unless you’re like a female journalist or politician, you’re probably not going to get that many trolls going after you. And in reality, anyone who’s following you or comes across your post either will scroll on by because they’re not that interested, or they like you and they want to hear what you have to say.
Kate 5:40
So I always encourage people to think, like, think about what you’re trying to bring to someone, and that you don’t have to be anything you’re not. Nobody wants you to be perfect. Nobody’s expecting that of you. And all the things that you are thinking about, like, obviously, like, after we do this, I’m gonna think about all the times I paused in a weird way, or did I have lipstick on my teeth, or all that. In reality, nobody else is going to notice that stuff. Nobody’s going to notice like the big wrinkle in the middle of my forehead, except now that I pointed it out, maybe. But nobody’s really going to notice it. People are rooting for you. They want to see you succeed, and they want whatever help or entertainment or inspiration it is that you can bring to them.
Kristen 6:30
That’s such a good shift from, you know, focusing on the potential for someone who does say something negative, versus how many people are out there who really are rooting for us. I know, just as you were saying that, thinking through who all is in my networks, who follows me on LinkedIn, who follows me on Instagram, who follows me on Facebook. Most of these are people who, either they are getting help from me or they’re people who are rooting for me, and the ones that are getting help from us are rooting for us too, in a way, a little bit different way, but.
Kate 7:03
Yeah. I have a friend who is doing this really interesting project, like reviving a really old farm and turning it into a community space where these really interesting events take place. And at one point she said to me, I’m afraid of failing publicly. That’s why I don’t show up online. And I’m like, nobody’s going to notice, probably, if you fail, first of all. And you know, you’re providing an incredible service to a community, why would you not want to show up and talk about it and give yourself the most potential to succeed possible?
Kristen 7:40
Yeah, I think it’s so easy for us to worry about the failure and not focus enough on what can this do to help me be successful?
Kate 7:48
Exactly. And some people are afraid of success too.
Kristen 7:53
Well, yeah. But we don’t have to tell people when we fail. They don’t have to know that we’ve failed.
Kate 7:57
Yeah. You know, seriously, if you fail, so to speak, most people, if you stop showing up, or you know they see you transition to something else, they’re going to think, okay, Kristen made a choice to change her business, or Kristen made a choice to transition. They’re not going to be like she failed at this, so now she’s trying this and she’s probably gonna fail. Like, nobody is thinking that.
Kristen 8:22
Yeah. I mean, I’ve seen some people, I follow a couple people who are serial entrepreneurs, I guess. They are just constantly changing what they do. And I don’t think I’ve ever once thought, Oh, she failed at that thing.
Kate 8:32
Yeah. I mean, anytime people tell me I’m so afraid of being judged, I mean, the first question I ask them is, how often are you sitting online judging everybody you scroll past? Like, how much are you judging them? Usually the answer is, I’m not.And if you are, okay, that’s, that’s your choice. But the reality is, most people are not judging you.
Kristen 8:55
Yeah. And, and what do we tell our kids about the bully at school? That’s one person.
Kate 9:00
It’s one person. And also, a lot of times, those people are saying something because they’re not taking action, and you are or, you know, and honestly, good, if you’re ticking someone off, I feel like you’re kind of in the right space where you’re able to reach the right people and repel the wrong people. So I also try to keep in mind I’m not going to take criticism from anybody who I don’t respect, you know. And instantly, if you say something nasty to someone online, I don’t respect you, I’m not going to take any criticism from you.
Kristen 9:35
Yeah, such a great mindset shift around who we listen to and who we let speak to us, and the reality is, the people who would criticize you online, those are not your ideal clients or customers, or they wouldn’t be criticizing you. So good for you. You’ve repelled the wrong people.
Kate 9:52
Yeah, and I like to think about my social media presence kind of as like a party in my kitchen, where I get to decide who gets to hang out with me. Nobody gets to disturb my peace on my telephone that I pay for. So, you know, if I don’t want them in my kitchen, I can block them and shut them outside. I can maybe limit them, depending on the platform. If it’s a family member who you know maybe is well intentioned, but you don’t need your Aunt Judy showing up commenting on your posts, you can ask her nicely to stop, or you can block her if need be. I do have a friend who had to block her own father because he wouldn’t stop distracting her customers.
Kristen 10:35
Sometimes with the best of intentions.
Kate 10:38
Yeah, totally
Kristen 10:39
Yeah. I love reframing it as your social media being like a party at your house. Then you’re in control of who gets to be there and who doesn’t. One thing I’ve gotten comfortable with is just hiding comments sometimes. If it’s something I don’t want my audience to see, for whatever reason, it’s, you know, it could be hurtful to some of them or or whatever, then I just hide that comment. And then comments move on.
Kate 11:02
Sure. You kick them out of the kitchen and they get to go hang out on the porch instead. Or you lock them out of the house entirely and block them.
Kristen 11:10
Yeah, which I have had to do once or twice. So speaking of your approach being a little different, you have something called the Candy Crush rule. Can you tell us about it?
Kate 11:23
So, Kristen, I don’t know. Are you a gamer person? Do you ever play like Candy Crush or like, solitaire?
Kristen 11:28
You know, it has been a long time since I’ve played Candy Crush, but I do play a lot of other games on my phone.
Kate 11:34
Okay, so when you play those games, if you were to, like, lose a level, do you get super self critical and think like, oh, I’m like, such a dodo I, you know, I’m not good at anything. Like, how much does it affect you?
Kristen 11:48
Right. So, I mean, am I annoyed? Yeah, but I’m not feeling too bad about myself.
Kate 11:56
Right. It’s not probably affecting your self esteem.
Kristen 12:00
It’s usually more of a, man, why did I do that? I knew better.
Kate 12:03
Yeah. So the reality is, is that those games are run by algorithms, just like social media. And sometimes, like social media, they’re going to make it easy to win, so to speak, and put your post out in front of a lot of people, and sometimes they’re going to make it harder to win and make it feel like you have to pay to get reach. But in reality, like it doesn’t mean anything about you.
Kate 12:27
You know, we have to take a little step back and think about the things we can control versus the things we cannot control. Like I can control what I say. I can control what my graphics look like, or if I make a video, I can control what time I post, okay. I cannot control what the algorithm is doing.
Kate 12:50
And first of all, for all the talk about the algorithm, there’s not one algorithm. There’s like a gazillion. And everyone’s algorithm is different according to where you live, the things you’re interested in, how many followers you have, it varies greatly. So I’m always a little skeptical of any talk of hacking the algorithm, because it’s not a monolith. You know, and I can’t control if, you know, say, Princess Kate makes a statement about her health that day, and that’s what everyone’s talking about.
Kristen 13:18
And that’s all anyone’s looking at.
Kate 13:20
Yeah, like, you only can control so many things. So I have learned, and I encourage my clients and my students to do the same, to only think about the things you can actually control and let go of those other things. We actually can’t control the algorithm. And I cannot control if you click like on my post, I cannot control if you decide to follow me, or you comment on my post. I can encourage you to, but I literally cannot control if you actually do it. So we have to concentrate on the things we actually can control and make choices that relate to that.
Kristen 13:57
Yeah, I really like that mindset too. Just the the idea of, what can I, what am I in control of, versus what am I not? And let go of the things that we’re not. It’s such good life advice in general, right? But it’s interesting how that can apply to our social media posting too. You know, we can control things like asking for the follows Sure, and reminding people of how to go and follow and, you know, sharing the opt ins and whatever it is that we’re trying to do, but we can’t control whether they do it or not. So if we just focus on the piece we can control, which is doing the asking and maybe changing up the way that we ask. Try a different, try different method.
Kate 14:35
Sure. And I mean, also in 2025, you know, who doesn’t know how to follow someone? You know you can, you can definitely remind them, but people are going to follow you or they’re not, and sometimes it takes them a few times to see you before they decide to follow you, and that’s okay. The other thing I try to keep in mind is like, I may not be somebody’s cup of tea, right now, that does not mean I never will be. Some people it means I never will be. If you don’t want to hear me say the occasional bad word, you’re not going to like hanging out with me. You know, if you want somebody who’s going to show up in a suit and be very prim and proper, you’re not going to want to hang out with me. I’m never going to be your cup of tea. And that’s fine, like there are plenty of other people who are out there to serve you.
Kate 15:23
But some people need to take the time, and they may be taking that time quietly as well. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten like a DM or an email or someone signing up for a course out of the blue or contacting me, saying, I really need your help, and I’m like, a) I don’t know who you are. I’ve never heard of you before. You know, like you’ve never interacted with a single one of my posts. We’ve never talked. But it turns out they’ve been following me for a very long time and watching quietly.
Kate 15:58
So I also try to keep in mind we can’t, we can’t take our stats too personal. Is it nice to have followers and likes? Sure, but it actually doesn’t mean anything in the long term. It’s a vanity metric. And vanity metrics do not actually define my worth, your worth, anybody’s worth as a person or as a business person, and vanity metrics do not define the potential success of your business. So if you’re one of those people who’s in the trap of like, looking at your peers who you know maybe have more followers or getting more likes, it does not actually mean they’re doing better than you, and you have to let go of that and see if you can concentrate on your own things and what you can actually control.
Kristen 16:49
Yeah. I mean, I’ll give an example from my own businesses. I have two businesses. I have my teaching resource business, and I have my web design business. And I have, I’m gonna say, like, four times as many followers on Instagram for the teaching business as I do for the web design business. Guess which one makes me more money.
Kate 17:07
I’m guessing it’s the web design.
Kristen 17:09
It is, hands down, from Instagram. From what I’m posting on social, one account looks a lot better, the other one actually performs a lot better.
Kate 17:19
Yeah. And actually, that can be super extreme, like I actually have a case study in one of the workshops I give where we talk about this woman who was an influencer, and she had 2.6 million followers. And this is a true story. I’m not gonna call anybody out by name, but this is a true story. She wanted to start a clothing line, and she needed an initial order of 36 t-shirts. So with 2.6 million followers, I can’t remember the math. I think it’s like one in every 72,000 people had to order a t-shirt. Like, I think I could sell 36 t-shirts, you know, like, no problem. She could not sell 36 t-shirts. So, like, millions of followers, 1000s of likes does not actually guarantee anything. It does not mean anything. And we need to stop making assumptions about other people’s success and also what that means about us. It actually doesn’t mean anything. Like technically, I mean, despite having a fraction of her followers, my business is way more successful than hers.
Kristen 18:20
Yeah, it really is about defining success in terms of the things that really do matter, and not in terms of, like you said, those vanity metrics that might look good on the outside, they might feel really good. I mean, I know for me, even it’s it’s fun when you hit like another 1000 followers, I get excited about it because I’m seeing growth. But at the end of the day, that’s not the numbers that matter.
Kate 18:44
Absolutely.
Kristen 18:45
Do you want to talk about what does matter? What should we be focusing on when it comes to metrics?
Kate 18:50
Well, I think showing up consistently is the first thing I always say. I know that’s kind of boring advice, but I’m not telling you you have to post every day. I’m not telling you you have to post a reel every day. I’m just saying you need to show up regularly, whatever that means for you.
Kristen 19:10
Yeah, such good advice, though, because it applies everywhere. If this podcast only went out when I feel like recording one, who’s gonna listen on a regular basis? It has to, it comes out every Tuesday. It’s very predictable. It’s regular. Email marketing, the same way, if you’re not consistent, then people lose interest.
Kate 19:31
You know, and like I said, so many times people have contacted me, and I’ve never really had any interactions with them before, so just showing up and getting in front of them, they need those touch points in order to get to the spot where they’re going to raise their hand and say, me, me, me, I need you.
Kristen 19:49
Yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean, I know there are, I’m sure, lots of people like me who follow tons of people on social and we watch the videos. And we maybe even go to their profile to click the link, but I don’t comment, and I hardly even like unless it’s a friend.
Kate 20:09
I’m a very generous liker, but I mean, there are people that I’ve followed for a very long time. There’s a shoe company that I’ve followed for like, seven years now, and I still have not bought any of their shoes. But, I mean, they’re very expensive shoes, which is why I have not bought any. But I am going to, you know, and I do go to their website regularly because of social media. If I didn’t get their social posts, if I was not following them, I probably would have forgotten they existed, and I would probably never, ever visit their website.
Kristen 20:45
Yeah, there’s a dog I follow on Instagram, of course. You know, follow a dog. She’s really funny, and she’s the same breed as my dog. And, you know, anyway, I hardly ever comment. I’m not sure I have ever commented on a post. Let’s just be clear.
Kate 21:00
Oh, wow.
Kristen 21:01
I’ve just never commented on one of their posts. Been following this dog for a couple of years now. I like things a lot, but do I go and buy the products that they talk about for my dog? Hm-hmm.
Kate 21:13
Oh, you do? Okay, wow, that’s cool.
Kristen 21:15
I don’t necessarily comment on their posts, but I sure do go buy stuff when I see something good on there and I want to try it with my dog. They’re totally affiliate marketing, mostly. So they share lots of, you know, fun dog toys and treats and stuff. So really just focusing then on showing up consistently, and then, what’s your social media doing for you? Is it turning into sales? Is it leading you closer to that point?
Kate 21:46
Yes. And also we have to think like, let’s say I’d never heard of you before, you know, and someone mentions you to me. Where am I going to go look for you? I might Google you and end up on your website, but a lot of times I end up on people’s social media first, and especially younger generations, are not googling. They’re immediately going to Instagram or Tiktok, looking for people there. So even if you know, even if you don’t think your socials are converting the way you would like them to, it’s still people’s first impression of you sometimes, and it’s a touch point where they’ll see you regularly.
Kate 22:26
So I, you know, I’m kind of the anti social, social media person. I am very much an introvert, like I am very against wasting tons of time like creating posts and posting and scrolling. That’s not how I do things, but I do actually feel that it’s really important to show up, and it can do really good things, actually, for your self confidence once you are able to, you know, let go of those junior high feelings that we might have, and it gives you practice speaking to people and saying what you want to say, and when you listen to what people are saying back to you, you get a clearer idea of what your clients actually need and what your potential clients need.
Kristen 23:11
Yeah, I will say Instagram stories or Facebook stories would be the same way, I guess, but I don’t really, I don’t post stories on Facebook, but Instagram stories are a great place to get comfortable with video, because it goes away. Nobody but you can see it after 24 hours.
Kate 23:27
Well, and you know what, lives are actually the fastest way to create content, and you can do practice lives. And the thing I always tell people, too, is that you can do a live and then if you’re like, that sucked. I don’t want to, I don’t want to keep that there. You don’t have to. You don’t have to save it to your feed. You can do it all over again right away now that you’re comfortable.
Kristen 23:51
Yeah. And then just the people who happened to see it while you were live saw it, and guess what? They’re probably not judging you because you were live and they’re scared to go live.
Kate 24:01
Sure. And on top of that, like, if you do save it to your feed, we don’t actually care how many people saw it live. I’ve done live videos where I’m like, Hey, in one hour, I’m giving this free webinar. And like, two people watched it. But guess what, over time, a lot of people watched it and shared it with other people. So even if nobody is watching it, you have to not pay any attention to that and just do your thing.
Kristen 24:30
Yeah, one thing I’ve heard recently about live video and just just showing up and going for it, even if it’s not perfect, is that in the age of AI where everything can be faked, making the mistakes a lot of times, is how people just instantly feel like, okay, this is really you.
Kate 24:51
Thank you so much for bringing me to a point that I wanted to make. The thing I always say to people is that, like, we have a crisis of trust right now. You know, trust is at an all time low for, you know, what we see online, the people we listen to, the media, in general, politicians, et cetera. But you showing up as a human being speaking to other human beings, not being perfect in this time of AI and filters and, you know, the fibbers who are like, look at my perfect life. You know, you showing up and being a real human that someone can identify with and connect with is an incredible opportunity.
Kate 25:34
I have a client who, she was doing Instagram reels that were, you know, they were doing all right. They were getting between, like, 400 and 1000 views each time, something like that. You know, not bad at all. She was like a nutrition coach, and she did this one video where she was taking all of the, like, slimy greens and moldy salsa and all that stuff out of her fridge and putting it into the compost, and talking about, like, you don’t have to be perfect. It’s about, like, making an effort. And she got so many views on that video. And then after that video, all of her videos got a lot more views. She gained a ton of followers. She got a lot of people watching her. And not that long after that, she had one video that got like, 130 some thousand views.
Kristen 26:22
Yeah. Just because she was real.
Kate 26:24
Yeah, exactly.
Kristen 26:24
And that kind of stuff is so relatable. I mean, who hasn’t had vegetables rot in their fridge and had to throw them out?
Kate 26:32
And which nutrition coach do you want? The one who’s like, oh, that never happens to me. How dare you? Or do you want the one who’s like, yeah, I have slimy greens in my fridge right now.
Kristen 26:42
It’s a lot easier to feel like you’re gonna get usable strategies, things that you can keep up with from someone who makes mistakes like you do, who’s not so perfect.
Kate 26:51
Right, and also when you show up as yourself and when you’re really authentic about who you are, I gotta tell you, it’s so much less energy than trying to be anything else. I mean, I’m I’m not a person who’s ever desired to be on stage or be an actor. Like if you’re that person, great, if you like pretending to be other people, cool. But it’s so much less energy to show up just as yourself and connect with people who who like what you’re saying. And also, I think, you know, who can’t smell when somebody is being like, phony?
Kristen 27:27
Yeah, like, we’ve all gotten really good at that over the last decade or so, because there’s just so much fake out there.
Kate 27:34
Sure, but I think we do forget though. I think we look at other people’s accounts a lot and take them at face value. And you know, we’re like, oh, look at that perfect kitchen. But you know, the thing we can’t see is hiding behind the kitchen island. There’s a pile of laundry, and it looks like that because they cleared it up for the video. They didn’t, you know, it doesn’t necessarily look like that all day, every day.
Kristen 27:58
Yeah, exactly. Well, thank you so much for being here and chatting through all of this. Social media is just one of those things that, man, it can get in our heads and have us spinning our wheels or just avoiding it completely because of all of those, you know, those fears that we have and the worry about not posting the right thing, and all of those things. So thank you for talking us through some of the emotions behind it and some mindset shifts we can make to make it a lot easier to show up and post and be authentic online.
Kate 28:31
Thank you for having me.
Kristen 28:33
Yeah, before we go, will you share with everybody how they can find you and connect with you if they want to learn more about what you have to offer.
Kate 28:42
You can find me kategilbert.com or on Instagram I’m KateGi because I could not get my full name. And if you are looking for like, a really fast five minute like, what the heck do I post? I need to come up with some ideas. I have a freebie called Yikes, I should really post, or something like that. And you can get it at Kategilbert.com/yikes.
Speaker 1 29:09
Awesome. I love that title. So relatable. I think I have that feeling about posting and about emailing and about all the things.
Kate 29:18
I think we all do.
Kristen 29:19
So we’ll drop links for all of those in the show notes and again, thank you so much for being here today.
Kate 29:25
Thanks for having me.
Kristen 29:26
That was such a great conversation with Kate. I hope you are walking away feeling a little bit less anxious about social media and a lot more empowered to show up authentically as yourself online. Kate’s perspective about treating social media like a party in your kitchen where you get to decide who gets to hang out with you and who has to get kicked out to the porch, really hit home with me, and it’s something I know I am going to keep with me, and especially that reminder that most people out there are rooting for you, not judging you. I know that’s something that we all need to hear a lot more often.
Kristen 30:05
Now, if you are feeling that familiar, like Kate said, yikes, I should really post something panic, then make sure you grab Kate’s freebie at Kategilbert.com/yikes. Honestly, just that title alone tells you that she gets it. You can find her on Instagram at Kate Gilbert, or check out her website at Kategilbert.com and we will drop all those links into the show notes for you right below this episode. Remember when you show up consistently as your authentic self, that always beats trying to be perfect. Your audience is out there wanting to connect with a real human, not some filtered perfect version of who you think that you should be. I hope this episode has encouraged you in that regard, and I will talk to you next week.
